Ever walked into a sex shop hyped for that specific rabbit vibe, only to hear “sorry, website’s wrong, we’re out”? Yeah, that bullshit kills the mood faster than a phone ringing mid-blowjob.
Enter Zondre Watson – the dude who’s on a personal crusade to make sure that never happens again.
The Retail Rebel Fixing Adult Store Tech One Chain at a Time
Zondre didn’t slide into the pleasure products the usual way. Dude had an MBA, sold chocolate-covered macadamia nuts branded as “dark salty balls” and “sticky balls” (his shop literally had a blow-up donkey for photos), and once dreamed of working at Blue Origin. Then one day he’s managing Sensually Yours in Hawaii and voluntarily taste-testing flavored lube on shift. Iconic career pivot.
Fast-forward and he’s now Ero-Tech’s General Manager of Technology & Analytics, running tech for 22 stores – 22 Secrets Adult Boutique, Lingerie Etc., and Not Too Naughty locations up and down the West Coast.
From Dial-Up Era POS to Cloud Glory
When Zondre first saw Ero-Tech’s old system? Same prehistoric garbage he’d already murdered back in Hawaii. One terminal. One user at a time. Slower than dial-up. He calls it “a different kind of POS, and he’s not wrong.
His fix? Rip it out and drop in a proper cloud-based beast with:
- Real-time inventory across every store and the website
- Custom reports that actually tell you what’s selling
- Dynamic reordering so you never run out of the good stuff
- Buy online, pick up in-store that actually works
Most painful part? The legacy data couldn’t export. So he spent two weeks at each of the 22 stores doing full physical inventories by hand. That’s 44 weeks of counting dildos, lube bottles, and cock rings. Respect.
“Birthday Inventory” Is the Enemy
Zondre coined my new favorite term: birthday inventory – shit that’s been sitting on the shelf so long it deserves cake and balloons.
“Inventory is like a giant cash drawer. You wouldn’t let someone steal $50 from the till, so why let $10,000 in dead stock just sit on the wall?”
– Zondre Watson
He’s obsessed with GMROI (gross margin return on investment) and turnover rates the way some people are obsessed with performer measurements. And honestly? That obsession pays. Dead stock kills margins faster than returns on $300 fucking machines.
The Cum Lube Taste-Test Story (Yes, Really)
Back at Sensually Yours, nobody knew if Topco’s famous cum-flavored lube actually had a taste. So naturally the entire staff lined up shots and found out together. Zondre later told the story to someone from CalExotics who’d just worked on a cum-scented sauce project. Her reaction? “Finally someone gets it.”
That’s the kind of workplace energy I can get behind.
Why Most Adult E-Commerce Still Sucks
Biggest sin in adult retail right now? Websites that lie.
Customer sees “in stock” online → drives to the store → item’s been sold out for six months. Instant disappointment. Zondre’s rule is brutal and simple: if the site says it’s there, it better damn well be there.
Live inventory sync isn’t sexy, but it’s the difference between a $400 impulse sale and a loyal customer who comes back.
The Future? Smarter, Faster, Hornier
Zondre’s already rolling out AI tools for demand forecasting (he wrote about it himself a few weeks back) and pushing harder on hybrid retail. Think walking into a store, scanning a QR code, seeing reviews and related products on your phone, then grabbing it off the shelf or having it shipped discreetly.
Because let’s be real – people still love the tactile experience of picking up a toy, feeling the weight, testing the motor (don’t lie, we all do it), but they also want Amazon-level convenience.
Bottom line: if your adult store is still running on some 2008 software that crashes every time two cashiers breathe on it, you’re bleeding money and pissing off customers.
Zondre Watson is out here proving you can be a total data nerd and still have the filthiest sense of humor in the room. Adult retail needs a thousand more like him.
Now go check your POS system. If it can’t handle more than one person at a time, you know who to call.
